So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
