Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
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I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
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Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize