there was a trapeze. enough said
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Vodka?
Forever.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
