Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
People in love make me want to vomit
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
