If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
