You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
