Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just found a bag of teeth...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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