don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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