I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
