no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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