everyone is single if you try hard enough
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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