I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
