my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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