I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
