Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
