The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
