There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
