if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
