you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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