addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
