Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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