can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
