rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
