Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize