Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
