I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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