She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
