I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
