its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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