this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
