The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
