I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
