You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
