and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I have aggressive nipples.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
