just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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