woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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