you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
