I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
being pregnant is like rehab
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
