he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
