I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
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