It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
All I want is dick and wine.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
