Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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