her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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