I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
