On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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