stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize