I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
