I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
