I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
