Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
