Your face is a jimmy john
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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