A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
