you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
