she woke up with a sticky ear
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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