To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Randomize
