She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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