Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
