Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
