I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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