somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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