There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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