Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
