Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Sext me about skeletons
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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