i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
