i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
