I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
